So we need to talk about “Shrekking.”
It’s not exactly new; the term’s been floating around dating culture for a while now, but it keeps resurfacing, and honestly, once you hear what it means, you’ll understand why it refuses to die.
DreamWorks really didn’t sign up for this level of relationship discourse.
Spoiler: it’s not about finding your own lovable ogre and living happily ever after in a swamp.
It’s… a lot more strategic than that, shall we say.
Let’s get into it.
So, What Is “Shrekking”?
“Shrekking” is when someone intentionally dates a person they consider less conventionally attractive than themselves, on the theory that this person will be so grateful for the attention that they’ll treat their partner extra well.
The idea is basically an insurance policy against getting hurt.
If you’re the “more attractive” one in the relationship, the thinking goes, you hold all the cards: less risk of rejection, less chance of being disrespected, and more control over how things go.
The name is a nod to Shrek and Princess Fiona, an unlikely couple who famously made it work despite one of them being, well, an ogre.
Except “Shrekking” as a dating strategy has nothing to do with looking past appearances for real connection.
It’s the opposite, actually choosing someone based on the assumption that they’re “below” you, purely as a calculated move.
Rude? Kind of. But also, weirdly, very online right now.
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The Twist Nobody Saw Coming (Except Everyone, Actually)
Here’s where it gets messy.
“Getting Shrekked” is what happens when this whole strategy backfires, meaning you go into a relationship expecting the upper hand and instead end up hurt, humiliated, or dumped anyway by the person you assumed was a safe bet.
Turns out, attractiveness has never actually been a reliable predictor of how someone treats you (shocking, we know).
@becomingsecure Getting shreked. I’m here for it 🤣 #shreked #onlinedating #datingsucks ♬ original sound – becomingsecure
One TikToker summed up the whole cycle pretty perfectly: you give someone a chance, assuming they’ll be endlessly grateful and devoted, only to end up “traumatized by a whole troll” instead.
There’s also apparently a male counterpart term now, “getting Fiona’d,” because of course there is.
If there’s a dating trend, someone’s making sure there’s a gendered flip side to it within about a week.
Why Experts Aren’t Loving This One
Relationship experts have had… thoughts.
The general consensus is that Shrekking isn’t really about attraction at all, it’s about self-preservation.
The strategy gives people a sense of security and control without the vulnerability that comes with dating someone they actually see as an equal.
Which… fair. Dating is genuinely scary sometimes.
But building an entire relationship strategy around avoiding vulnerability tends to backfire because it treats the other person less like a partner and more like a calculated risk assessment.
Not exactly the foundation of, you know, an actual relationship.
There’s also something a little uncomfortable about the whole premise resting on a dating hierarchy in the first place, the idea that attractiveness determines who “deserves” who, and that dating someone perceived as “beneath” you automatically guarantees loyalty.
Spoiler again: it doesn’t. Loyalty and attraction have never had much to do with each other.
My Take
I love an unlikely rom-com pairing just as much as anyone (Shrek 2 remains a top-tier sequel, no notes).
But actual Shrek and Fiona fell for each other by getting to know each other, not by running a strategic risk assessment on who was least likely to reject them first.
If “Shrekking” is genuinely resonating with you right now, it might be less about the person you’re dating and more worth sitting with why the vulnerability of dating an equal feels so unsafe in the first place.
That’s a conversation worth having with yourself before your next date, not just a trend to try out.
Ogres have layers, apparently. So do the rest of us.
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